Now that Pep Guardiola has the frightfully early, fast, skilled and strong Gabriel Jesus available for selection, things have improved for Manchester City, and down to Sergio Agüero, who had to be content with 17 minutes of eccentricity in the 4-0 win against West Ham United on Wednesday. The Chinese window is still open. But if the thought of joining Shanghai Shenhua not to do it for Agüero, Real Madrid will be waiting for him with open arms in the summer. Unlike Guardiola, Zinedine Zidane doesn’t mind Agüero lack of pressing and a low-pass completion statistics – he just wants his goals.

Football transfer rumours: Zlatan Ibrahimovic on his way to Naples?

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Speaking of the City legends that are to be shown the door, it is time for Joe Hart to update. West Ham knows that the only way to stop City scoring so many goals against them is a sign of one of their goalies, and with Hart on loan at the Turin coming to an end, soon, is preparing a £15m bid for the England No1.

Should Hart to opt for a move to east London, you might find one of its former executives already waiting for him. West Ham can’t blame Dimitri Payet for their disappointing season, but this does not mean that you can not point the finger at someone else – say, Slaven Bilic. The Croatian manager is under pressure after the City of santa ragione, which took place in a certain Roberto Mancini. Put two and two together, multiply it with the Mancini collection of cashmere scarves and you have a wonderful marketing opportunity for the people of the West Ham club shop.

Arsène Wenger has watched an episode of ArsenalFanTV too many and his faith in humanity has been damaged. Also if you are talking about a new two-year contract, Wenger is wondering whether to quit Arsenal at the end of the season. If this were not the case, and probably not, he’ll sign Monaco Kylian Mbappé, who is apparently the new Thierry Henry. For younger readers, which means that going to be the best striker in the world, is not a vacuous tv talking head.

Rafa Benítez asked Mike Ashley for a table, and was offered a £5 Sports Direct gift voucher in exchange. Now, in a totally predictable state of affairs, wants out of Newcastle United.

Manchester United like the look of the Benfica Nelson Semedo. The right-back are not cheap, though. Benfica after 35 million pounds, so United will probably need to find a new official global turnips partner to drum up cash.

Watford will have to buy Milan’s m’baye Niang for £ 13.5 m if the loan forward scored 10 goals between now and the end of the season, leaving them with no choice but to stick emerging goal machine Younès Kaboul in front of it, instead.