The Fiver | An angry, confused squirrel with a love for the prog-metal


West Ham United are a family club. Of course, we know this because they are from the East End of London, the only place in the world that appreciates the value of kinship or kairnship as is well known, in the local jargon. But we also know this because of the family values espoused by their owners, and those recruited by their head dress, Karren Brady, the Tory party peer. So strong not Gollivan believe in ethics, that one of their children, with the result of a column on the official site of the club, without a doubt, after a complex application procedure.

As with all families, there are moments when it is difficult, unpopular decisions need to be taken, decisions that require strong, frugal leadership. This is where Brady is “a true inspiration”, recommends his personal website. “It is not possible to determine where you start in life,” it reads, “but you can determine where you end up.” Quite how that applies to those who are born without the privilege of money and/or intelligence is not entirely clear – in spite of its “success comes from the passion, vision and ambition”, she does not clarify. But the sentiment is still relevant to West Ham. Have started to tight, atmospheric ground, which is a considerable advantage for their players, and the community at the centre of a wider community, and are finished in “iconic 60,000 seat Olympic Stadium, also known as a “cavernous monstrosity, miserable in every aspect”. How can a “leader, contributor and commentator on business”, possibly, predict that the team would have become trash in this context?

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Fortunately, with the football being football, the family family and Brexit be Brexit, there is a lot of blame to go around, and there is no need to be sparing. Slaven Bilic’s breeding with his team, they could not have had less success; he has bought poorly, led poorly, and improvised badly, his demeanor that of an angry, confused squirrel, albeit angry, confused squirrel with a love for the prog-metal. These are not qualities that are transferable when you try to stop a series of five consecutive defeats, or at least unprecedented quality in halting the runs of five consecutive league defeats, which leaves him in a sort of situation.

And then there are the players, which are particularly weak in three aspects: defence, attack and defense in attack. It is true that they have been hampered by ill-luck – with talent, in particular – but also in the way that they have been hampered by ill-judgment – to play football well, especially in such a way that they now have no margin for error. Their two games they face Swansea and Sunderland, and if they fail to reverse the momentum, could find themselves the latest example of how the decadent values of modern society are destroying the unity of the family.

“I don’t like when others speak for me. If someone wants to know something about me, then you must ask me. We are fighting for the title and we want to reach this goal, then we will try to build something important together,” – fresh from seeing off Manchester City, Antonio Conte slapping his Mr 15%, and insists that he will stay put at Chelsea.

AC Jimbo and co are back with the Football Weekly Extra, discuss all the latest action and fight against the great question: who would make a better holiday companion – David Silva, Marco Silva?

The production of the Guardian thoughtful, in-depth journalism, the stuff that’s not normally found in this e-mail, of course – it is expensive, but the support is not. If the value of our journalism, please support us by making a one-time or recurring contribution.

“This is what we have to endure in the listings for Comcast cable service. On the positive side, it is possible to watch any of the ‘EPL soccer game live, once you crack the code, and apparently it’s not necessary if you are a Cherries supporter” – Brian Saxby.

USA! USA!! USA!!! Photography: Comcast

“Re: yesterday’s Bits and bobs. Finally some good news for David Moyes! Can still sign the Bench for free? Oh” – Andrew Tate.

“What is going on with Liam Hamilton and his shameful behavior (Fiver letters passim)? Honour, and the humility to admit that he made a mistake, by putting his hands and saying he was wrong and others were right, after being corrected by 1,057 nerd on the internet? Does he know that The Fiver is (loosely) connected to the modern football and the correct behaviour when faced with facts that contradict your opinion online is to stick your fingers in your ears and shout ‘la la la, I can’t hear you’? The humility and decency, indeed, what is the world? Where does it go? Will nobody think of the children?” – Robin Hazlehurst.

“Liam is obviously now just baiting the pedant brotherhood with its obvious typographical errors. ‘Killer Kincline, ” in fact” – Jack Dunning.

Send your letters to [email protected] And if you don’t have anything better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o the day is … Brian Saxby.

The chances are that if you’re reading this tea-timely football email, you’re almost certainly single. But fear not – if you want to find companionship or love, sign up here to view profiles of the kind of erudite, sociable and friendly people who would never normally dream of going out with you. And don’t forget, it is not the rejection that kills hope. And it is still a much better option than this.

Canada, Mexico and the UNITED states! USA!! USA!!! may be in the process of submitting a joint bid to host the 2026 World Cup. No, it is not possible to see any problems. “We have had nothing but positive comments on it,” screamed Concacaf president Victor Montagliani.

Spurs’ wild and the last breath a 3-1 win at Swansea has Maurico Little feeling of dizziness. “I believe we can win every game if we play like this evening, and then we’ll see,” he applauded.

Oh Swansea! Photo: Nick Potts/PA

Leicester’s forward Ahmed Musa is considering legal action after “inaccurate” reports that he was arrested for beating his wife for his birthday. “We all know that Muse is a jolly good fellow,” said his agent, Tony Harris. “He does not drink, does not smoke, does not part and has never been in trouble with police throughout his life. He couldn’t harm a fly.”

Theo Walcott can get some things off his chest on #thehaterz now that Arsenal are back to winning, even if a triumph of 3-0 at West Ham is not much to write home about. “I only listen to who I want to listen to,” he bugled. “Who are they? The manager and the people in this club that interests me. People can talk about. It doesn’t bother me at all.”

Ref Keith Stroud has been taken out of the line of fire, and on Saturday for the match between Gillingham and Millwall, after a canine banquet Newcastle 1-0 Burton Albion, in which incorrectly rejected Matt Ritchie penalty be retaken for encroachment. “Keith and his team are understandably upset at the lack of concentration,” sighed the PGMOL.

The republic O Ireland women’s team have reached an agreement on working conditions with the FAI, blazer, after threatened strike action and claiming that I would have to change in airport toilets and hand suits after the games.

And, wait for it … Roy is back in the flamin’ of the game, after you have landed an “advisory” role with the City of Melbourne. “We are so lucky to have him here,” shouted Michael Valkanis. “And ‘ a man with a wealth of experience that can help you.”

“There are many skeptics, and they are very vocal, but a lot of people – myself included – form opinions of China from a distance. The truth is that, unless you are in fact, not really know what Chinese football is” Christian Bassogog, who recently trousered a bumper move in and pay on the day with Henan Jianye, gets his chat with David Hytner.

Your Africa Cup of Nations player of the tournament, before. Photograph: Gabriel Buoys/AFP/Getty Images

Andy Brassell reports on Hoffenheim’s historic win Bayern at the 18th time of trying in his Bundesliga at the head.

Real Madrid could afford to turn out of the best part of a B team and has not changed the general state of la Liga, writes Sid Lowe.

This week, a Classic of YouTube is involved with the dogs on the field, Gigi Buffon and Keith Houchen.

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