Tom Cruise with his new film barely qualified as a film. The studio behind it, Universal, is a copy of the planning Marvel, the creation of a “shared universe” with each other blockbusters. But instead of the super heroes, the so-called “Dark universe” – movies about The Invisible Man, The Wolfman and other classic monsters of Universal’s back-catalogue.
This film deserves to be locked inside of a pyramid for thousands of years
The mummy has to get the job, the franchise started. Instead of saying that rates a separate story, then it commits much of its runtime to the introduction of concepts and settings, which arise, in the future, Dark universe. And it ends with a so-shameless non-end, that it would have to say as well have a caption on the screen “to be continued”. It is quite passable, if you be it as a pendant, or as the pilot episode of a TV series, but as a film in its own right, it deserves to be driven, in the interior of a pyramid for thousands of years.
Not even if The mummy had the Foundation stone for the Dark universe, it would still be a shambles. A mish-mash of very different tones and plot strands that Alex Kurtzman, the intricate horror-Comedy-sci-fi-espionage-disaster thriller is filled with characters whose beliefs and skills change from minute to minute, and interrupted by murkily lit action sequences, which do not show how these characters, from one place to the next. Maybe part of the problem is that it is credited to six screenwriters. I wouldn’t be surprised if you wrote 20 pages without ever having a look at what had the other five.
To give you an idea of how it’s nested, The mummy is a film about an Ancient Egyptian sorceress, and yet its opening scene has a number of crusaders in the 12th century. Century in England. It then jumps to the present day, when those who are discovered Crusader catacombs, under the streets of London. This discovery is kind of the keyword for a portly, complacent, a professor (Russell Crowe) to step in and tell the legend of the above-mentioned Ancient Egyptian sorceress. Later, someone else mentioned that the legend was “erased from the history books”, so it’s pretty impressive that he knows that it is in such Details.
Undead on arrival
It is only after the prof, he has, according to his exposition dump, the film hops, and a desert in Iraq, and, at last, we meet on the cruise, Nick Morton, a U.S. Army sergeant, loots antiquities to sell on the black market. He is, in short, a disgusting crook, but, like many other conceited, selfish rogue Cruise has played, he is supposedly forgivable because a) he keeps under his shirt, and b) he is good in sprinting, and c) he learns a decent person by the end of the movie. It is a shame that, at 53, the actor one or two decades too old for the role. If someone is cheating, stealing, and bullying, as well, as Morton in his sixth decade, it’s hard not to feel that he is basically a scumbag.
The story would be easier to follow if it were written in hieroglyphics
Finally, he and a blonde archaeologist/love interest (Annabelle Wallis, who is, of course, 20 years younger than her co-star) stumble upon a deep, but not very spectacular tomb, and accidentally cursed by a Pharaoh’s daughter, Ahmanet (Sofia Boutella), back in the land of the living. (Morton’s is to blame, and it leads to catastrophic death and destruction, but no one makes him.) Packed in just enough bandages to remind you to cover up that you are a mummy, but not enough, the doodles tattooed all over her, Ahmanet embarks on a kind of vengeful quest with a magical dagger.
None of it makes sense. The film delivers all of the chases, explosions, zombies and spirits that you could want, and there are a couple of amusing lines, and creepy moments, but between the headache-inducing flashbacks and hallucinations, the story would be easier to follow if they were written in hieroglyphics. At one point, for example, a crowd of zombies-generated dust in the computer, and the film does not explain the trouble, why or how it happened. It is no wonder that even the superhumanly behaved confident seems to Cruise and confused half the time. If in the last minutes, Morton complains, “I know what I’m doing,” it sounds like a cry for help.
It is something of a relief when he and the professor reached the secret monster-hunting headquarters in London, and The mummy with the spelling of his Dark universe-a myth. At least this section has a purpose. Crowe – try not one, but two painful English accents – drones on about the evil creatures stalk the earth, and while his mushy scenes seems to have been lifted directly from The League of Extraordinary Gentleman, you are absurd enough to be enjoyable. Maybe Universal multi-movie monster mash-up will not be so terrible after all. But don’t get too excited. If the Dark universe is ever even close to as lucrative as the Marvel Cinematic Universe, his later films much, much better than this.